I don’t like dishing out relationship advice. Neither do I think I am qualified to tell you what to do or not do in your relationship. My last relationship ended egregiously and I haven’t been in one in years. But, I am impelled to warn you about the danger of ignoring the red flags in your love affair.
I shouldn’t have dated my ex. There were telltale signs from the word go, but I stupidly and naively ignored them. The result is a heartbreak that hasn’t quite healed, nearly a decade after.
Here’s the most important relationship advice I can possibly give you:
Don’t. Ignore. The. Red. Flags. Please.
I know it’s not the first time you are hearing that. Don’t ignore the red flags is something we say so often that it beggars belief how we turn blind eyes to them.
Heartbreak is inevitable when red flags are ignored. Tears and regrets become your companion. Save yourself the heartbreak, and don’t ignore the red flags.
Instead, be on the lookout for telltale signs because they come with so much certainty that they are hardly ever wrong.Before you say yes to dating... read this! Click To Tweet
Going into a relationship or continuing to stay in one when there are signs that you are unloved, not respected, not regarded, belittled and sometimes, abused, proves that you don’t love and value yourself enough. You don’t think you deserve any better than you got, so you continue to settle.
Don’t. Ignore. The. Red. Flags. If you want to be happy in your relationship.
Words lie, actions don’t. So believe what you see and not what you hear. I think the problem starts when we start believing the words rather than the actions.
There is this guy I’ve been talking to. We have been friends for years, and we have shared some deep secrets. I’m very fond of him. He is easy-going, intelligent, christian and we connect on so many levels.
He is separated and I am single. We have been talking about dating for a while now.
Please note: We are not dating. We are just good friends (emphasis on good) and, although we haven’t seen each other in years, I was seriously thinking of dating him. We had plans of meeting and spending some time together (if not for coronavirus, we would have done that already). He has even started calling me baby lol.
A few days ago, he messaged me saying: “How are you, baby?”
I said: “I’m not fine.”
I had just returned from the hospital, where I was told I had toilet infection and would be needing N25,000 for treatment. I told him this and he responded with: “Ah”
As I said, we are not dating. But we are seriously talking about it. Up until two days ago, it was very likely that we would do just that.Here’s the most important relationship advice anyone can possibly give you Click To Tweet
So I waited for more of his message. Surely, “Ah” can’t be all that he has to say.
Again, please note: I wasn’t expecting him to say send your account number or anything like that. I know he can’t even afford to give me a penny even if he wants to (he’s going through a phase right now that has prolly left him broke and penniless), but I expected more than just “ah”. Before I left the hospital that day and this was hours before I even told him about it, I had already paid for the treatment.
I am not sure why I expected more though, but I did. So I waited. Maybe his phone went dead after the ah and he is going to charge it soon and get back to the conversation. An hour turned to two and two turned to a day. Yet nothing.
For someone who is my good friend and who I am close to dating, I expected much more. But expectations bring disappointment. And disappointed, I was.
The next day, I began treatment and shared a pic on my Whatsapp status. I don’t know if he saw it but, he still didn’t reach out.
Fast further to three days later, I wrote something about making N250k in a day (a joke) and asked anyone who is interested to message me.When red flags are ignored, heartbreak is inevitable. Tears and regrets become your companion. Save yourself the heartbreak and don't ignore the red flags. Click To Tweet
He was the first person to message me. He didn’t ask how he can make N250k in a day though (didn’t say anything about it), neither did he say anything about my health. He didn’t ask if I went through with the treatment, or if I was feeling better now. He just wrote “hmmm” in reply to my Whatsapp status and than “how far” and that was it.
I thought to ask him about it. I can’t assume he acted the way he did because he didn’t care. But I had second thought.
I have learned that if you are looking for excuses, you will always get a trailer load of it. Always. If you are my friend, and I tell you I have got a health challenge, the least you can do is show some sympathy, act like you care even if you don’t.
And if we are on the verge of being more than just good friends (dating), than I expect a whole lot more. Short and simple.
I can’t come and be asking for it. And trust me, this guy knows the right thing to do, he chooses not to.
He is someone who chats me up almost daily. He may be passing through a phase but he sure as hell didn’t forget that I told him I was sick. In fact, he had the Whatsapp chat as a reminder if indeed that was the case. Neither was he too busy to take a moment to check up on me. He simply chooses not to. And why I may not know his reasons – I honestly hope it’s not because of money because that will be so comical – and I have decided not to ask, I believe his actions tell me all I need to know.
I share this, with the hope that you will acknowledge the red flags when you see them, and you wouldn’t excuse them away. The red flags; the telltale signs prove that you are going in the wrong direction, and you need to make a U-turn, immediately.
Don’t. Ignore. The. Red. Flags. If you don’t want to spend your days in pains.
While I am going to continue being friends with my easy-going friend, I’m surely not going to date him anymore.
I want a man who will be so madly in love with me that he would literary fall sick when I am sick and I have too much self-love and respect to know I deserve nothing less. My good friend is definitely, not that man.Do this one thing if you want to be happy in your relationship Click To Tweet
Another mistake we make is believing that we can change our partners. That if we shower them with enough love and affection and do it long enough, they will eventually love and treat us right.Having relationship troubles? See the one mistake you’ve probably been making Click To Tweet
Nothing can be further from the truth. Love can’t be forced. If they don’t love you, they don’t love you. And the more you stay, the more you will continue to get hurt and the longer you will grief if you are fortunate enough to get out in one piece.
Love and respect are two sides of the same coin. You can’t have one and not the other. That means if they continue to disrespect and disvalue you with their actions then, it doesn’t matter how many times they tell you they love you.
If they continue to cheat on you, lie to you, pay little attention to you, ignore you when you are sick and in trouble, then you have all the reasons you need to get up and get out — or don’t get in at all.
You can’t genuinely love someone and not care about you. And you can’t care for someone and not show it in one way or the other.
Don’t. Ignore. The. Red. Flags. And you will be glad you did.