Midnight Rant: I’m Suing Facebook For This

You guys, I am so angry right now. I feel like punching someone in the face. Seriously, I need somebody to step forward.

One unfortunate fellow (excuse my language) has been disturbing my phone with calls since last week. He said he got my number from Facebook and he wants to know me better.

This guy, who can barely speak Pidgin let alone English, saw my Facebook profile, saw that we are living in the same city (Lagos) and decided to upend my life with calls.

I didn’t even realize my number was public on Facebook until he called.

When he first called, I couldn’t understand what he was saying; honestly, his English — sorry Pidgin was terrible. I thought it was one of those our brothers from the north who are fond of dialing wrong numbers.

I sha told him wrong number and ended the call. But he called again, and after so many back and front, I finally understood what he was saying.

At first, I didn’t know how to react, I just politely told him I wasn’t interested. Aside from the bad English, he did sound like a child. I thought he shouldn’t be more than 20/22. And trust me, that was a no-no.

He kept calling though and it was really annoying. At a point I had to put off my phone.

This evening, he called again and I asked him how old he was, he said 29. I than asked for his Facebook name and went to check his profile.

You guys, this is what is scattering my head…

He’s a child. No more than 22. His pictures and posts confirmed that much. His fashion sense is zero. I saw a pic where he wore a t-shirt on native. The captions on some of his posts prove his grammar is terrible.

In fact, he’s a typical Yoruba boy. Not the type that went to school and knows what’s up. I am talking about the type that looks like they were born and bred in a remote village. Those ones that can’t make a single sentence in English without switching to Yoruba.

Yes, I think that describes him perfectly. And I’m certain he must have seen that my 30 days to turning 30 post. That’s why he claimed 29.

People are meeting responsible and matured guys on Facebook and this is what I got? A 22-year-old who can barely speak English???

And to add salt to injury, he said he called because he saw on my profile that I am single and he’s single too. And he thinks we will make a great couple.

Please, who did I offend? I never for the life of me thought this singlehood will bring me so much insult. This is too much, guys.

Please I need a boyfriend asap. Forget everything I said in my previous post, this see finish is too much. I can’t take it any more.

Thanks to True caller app, I was able to block the idiot. He should go and look for his mate at least.

I am suing Facebook for this. I don’t care what anyone thinks. So if you heard that they filed for bankruptcy just know it is because of my lawsuit against them. They sat down and allowed this ignominy to happen.

Please who has Mc Lively…sorry, Barrister Mike’s number? I want to file the lawsuit as e dey hot.

Don’t beg me. They must pay for this insult.

I am already thinking of the places I will travel to if I win my lawsuit against Facebook

P.S. Why didn’t you tell me losing tummy fat is akin to fighting third world war? All the worms in my tummy has turned to musicians, they are now singing food e no dey, brother eh water no dey.

This eating once a day life is not funny. Na die I dey!

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2 thoughts on “Midnight Rant: I’m Suing Facebook For This

  1. Obviously, your story is so funny and same time sympathetic. I don’t think you should blame the young man I guess fb should be sued cos they allowed a whole lot of crazy post, crazy comments and ofcourse crazy people to come online to say a whole lots of crazy shit. Is well my sister

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