You were living in the same neighborhood as I. You asked me to be yours. And I said no. You said you loved me. I said the feeling isn’t mutual. You said you understand. You asked me to be your friend. And I said sure, why not. You had my number and sometimes you called. Just checking on me you would say. Thank you I would reply. Sometimes we see. But most times we don’t. You called me one too many times and I began to see you as a friend. I trusted you. Maybe even liked you. But you betrayed me.
She was my neighbor and my friend. She had invited me for a drink at a popular bar in town. It was past 1 am when we left home. But who cares? It was New Year’s Day and everyone was out. I don’t take alcohol. I don’t like the smell of cigarettes. I just returned from a crossover service. I don’t even like going out. I could have said no, thank you. My instinct told me not to go. But I went anyway.
That was a mistake and a costly one at that.
My friend didn’t tell me we were going to be drinking with her boyfriend and his friends. I only discovered when we got there. I am an unapologetic introvert and sitting at a bar with boys (especially the ones younger than I) who are drinking and smoking isn’t really the way I roll. I’d rather be sleeping.
I politely excused myself. I thought I would be able to get a bike and go back home. Oh boy, was I wrong! I stood outside for what seemed like a lifetime. No bike. No taxi. No bus. Just a lot of people hanging around and waiting for a means of transportation, too. Hopeless, irritated and trying to figure out how to get home, my phone rang. It was you on the other end. You said you were somewhere close to my place, drinking and asked if I would love to join you. I told you about my predicament and you offered to pick me up with your brother’s car. I accepted of course!
Another mistake and I regretted it.
On our way, you said something about going to your house to get something before taking me home. I said okay. Your house was right on the way to mine and I didn’t sense any danger. I trusted you. I thought you were my friend. That was why I followed you inside when you insisted that you were going to take a minute and don’t want me to sit alone in the car at that ungodly hour. It was past 3 am. I thought you were right.
I didn’t know you said that because you had ulterior motives. You weren’t even picking anything up, you son of a bitch! You locked the door the minute we got in and tried to sleep with me. I refused. And you decided to show me what a monster you are. You held a knife to my neck and ordered me to take off my clothes. You threatened to kill me if I don’t do it fast. I cried profusely. I begged you to stop. You hit me hard on my face. I looked at you and all I saw was a beast. You came to me. Kicking me several times and dragging me on the floor. I had no choice but to comply hence you kill me. I had no doubt about that. Not that day, not even now, several years after. You showed me firsthand how wicked and heartless people can be.
I lay flat on the ground, naked and waiting to be devoured by you. When suddenly, there was a knock on the door. A savior. My savior, God intervened and put you the devil to shame. I remember screaming my lungs out. “Help, he wants to kill me,” I screamed. I think it was your elder brother, the owner of the car you drove, who was knocking. He barked at you to open the door.
Reluctantly, you told me to dress up while you opened the door. I ran out of your Godforsaken house the minute the door opened. Half dress, sweaty and shaking. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me. Not even your brother’s attempt could stop me.
I got home around 4 am, breathless from running and sat on the floor in front of our house not knowing my dad was standing by the window. He asked me what was wrong and why I was sitting on the floor. I told him nothing. I got up and went inside to sleep but couldn’t.
For several nights, I had a series of nightmares — I kept seeing your face and your knife. I jump in terror at every little thing. I lost my sense of safety. And you are the reason I never go anywhere at night. You are also the reason I don’t keep male friends.
If I had told my brothers, they would have hunted you down and gave you a taste of your own medicine. I knew this for sure. But I was too scared and too ashamed to tell anyone. I feared if I told someone they will tell my parents and I didn’t want that. I have kept this buckled up inside of me all these years. I guess your threats still had an effect on me long after you gave them. But not any more fool. I just told everyone.
I don’t know where you are right now; either I do remember what the hell you looked like. I am not sure I even remember your name. Was it Kingsley or Osahon? But I hope your sins have caught up with you. I hope you have died a slow painful death or living a hopeless and miserable life. You are evil and a menace to our society in general and women in particular. And I hope you find your rightful place in hell.
P: s: I recently read an article on why most rape victims don’t speak out and it reminded me of my own experience. Honestly, I am not sure what I would have done if he had succeeded in raping me that night. He didn’t succeed and I could not tell anyone, now imagine if he had succeeded. Maybe I may not have even lived long enough to decide whether or not I wanted to speak out. Because for all you know, he could have stabbed me to death after raping me and discarded my body and I bet you, no one would have suspected him. Not even my friend/neighbor saw him with me that night. I am so grateful to be alive and to be able to share my story. E done tire way God dey fight for me, no be today!
To everyone who has been sexually abused, especially those who are too scared or too ashamed to speak out, you are not alone. I hope you find your voice someday and I hope the monsters pay.
Love and light.