Here’s What 8 Years Of Being Single And Celibate Taught Me

I wish I can tell you straight up that I don’t miss being in a relationship, or that I don’t daydream about having sex. But, as I type this, I am, in fact, thinking about wrapping my hands and legs over a handsome hunky hottie. The bed dancing slowly beneath us, the sheet soared with sweat. Both of us groaning a little too loud, and neither of us wants it to stop. *Insert Chris Brown — Beg for it*

Side Note: It’s about time I stop daydreaming and go get myself some well deserved D???

What I can tell you, however, is that being single and celibate did change my life in more ways than one!

WHY I CHOOSE TO BE SINGLE

I decided to stay single after a 3-year relationship that left me emotionally wrecked and heartbroken.

When I met my ex, I was racked with self-loathing and had insecurities as tall as a mountain. I naively thought what I needed was a man who would somehow kiss away my self-loathe and make my insecurities disappear. To his defence, my ex didn’t promise to do any of these. I just erroneously assumed that he would. That my life will be somewhat better because he was in it.

Oh boy was I wrong! Rather than helping me see the light, the relationship left me feeling more disconnected from myself than I was prior and dragged me deeper into the abyss of self-loathe.

I learned the hard way that no man is going to save me from the abyss of self-loathe that I dug for myself. That the superman I was hoping would fly over the sky to rescue my sorry ass was long dead and gone. And that the only one left to save me is me.

Here’s What 8 Years Of Being Single And Celibate Taught Me Click To Tweet

Love is not something we need to justify. It’s either there or not. Real love is accepting and loving other people the way they are. And vice versa. But how can I expect anyone to accept and love me the way I am, when I couldn’t accept and love myself.

When I broke up with my ex, I knew I needed time to heal and rediscover myself. I needed to work on my self-esteem and find a way to love myself despite my flaws. And I knew I couldn’t do that dating someone else.

But I honestly didn’t plan to be single for so long. That just happened. At first, I turned down everyone who came my way because I wasn’t ready. And I didn’t want to make the same mistakes I made with my ex. Then, when I was finally ready, I was too self-aware to settle for just anyone. One year turned to two, two turned to five, and five turned to eight.

WHY I CHOOSE TO BE CELIBATE

With my ex, I realized (although, a little too late) that the only connection I had with him was sex. If you took that away, there was nothing left. And I didn’t want that. I want a deeper than sex connection with my man. I want a man who will genuinely love, respect, honor, and value me — the whole nine yards! Sex can come after, but not before.

My celibacy isn’t rooted in religious belief. It’s more or less as a result of being single. But my relationship with God and the understanding of His words have helped me cope with being celibate.

Wants To Know What Being Single And Celibate For 8 Years Feels Like? Read This! Click To Tweet

WHAT BEING SINGLE AND CELIBATE TAUGHT ME

I’ve learned that sex is not an ultimate expression of love

And I’m done trying to prove my love for a man by having sex with him. Did that one too many times with my ex and look where it got me!

Living a sex-free life isn’t as hard as people think

You just have to make up your mind…and stick to your guns. If sexual abstinence is what you really want, you will make it happen. It’s that simple.

Being single has taught me to love, honor, and respect my body immensely.

Love, love and more love, please!

You can enjoy your own company

Being single for a long time has taught me to enjoy my own company. I spent the better part of the last eight years alone, enjoying it and not feeling like I was missing out on anything. Except on days when I have to pay for my own hairdo lol.

Men and sex are like five and six…but I am not falling for all the BS! 

The reasons men gravitate towards sex will forever elude me. As a single girl who chooses to be celibate, I’ve had encounters with men who think it’s okay to demand sex from me or think I will be interested in having a dalliance with them.

Last year, my neighbour extended a hand of friendship to me, which I accepted wholeheartedly. But I quickly realized the only thing he was interested in was my sex life. He kept asking questions about my sex life. He didn’t believe anyone can be celibate for as long as I have been. And according to him, there might be something wrong with me.

Here’s What I Can Tell You About Being Single And Celibate For 8 Years Click To Tweet

I can live with him thinking that there’s something wrong with me. What I can’t live with, however, is him trying to talk me into sleeping with him and making it look like he is trying to do me a favour.

Side Note: Dear neighbour, if you are reading this, I like you to know you can do better. I know this seems I’m calling you out but I just want to get this off my chest so that we can move on in clean slate.

Life can be so much better without all the relationship dramas

No relationship, no drama. And I sure sleep well at night knowing no one is out there cheating on me lol.

Dating/getting a partner isn’t the be-all and end-all of life

I certainly can’t wait to be in a healthy relationship with someone who makes my heart sings and inspire me to be more. But that is not the be-all and end-all of my life. There’s more to life than dating.

I know for certain what I want in a man

Thanks to all these years of being single and alone, I have figured out what I want in a man and the exact type of man I want to be with, and I am not settling until I get it.

Finally, I am complete in myself and I don’t need a man to complete me

I don’t need a man to feel complete, I already do. I don’t need a man to point out what I should love about myself, I already know. Being single for so long gave me room to figure out who I am. I know why I feel what I feel and why I do what I do. I know what I can do and what I can’t do. I’m a better person than I was and will be an even better wife to my future husband, wherever he may be.

I wonder, though, what would post-celibate look like? Would I learn anew how the whole lovemaking thing works? Or would I pick up from where I left off? Would it be on my wedding night, with the LOML? Or would we be too carried away to wait for our wedding night?

I certainly can’t wait to find out!

P.S. Where the hell is you Mr. LOML???

 

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